As I type this I have the hook from the Fort Minor song Where'd you go running on repeat in my head. I have written several times in the last month on how I found myself in different positions in my life. Over the last month I feel like I have dug my way out of a grave I dug myself. When you relive the past it seems you have 2 choices, you can learn from it and move on, or you can let your mistakes keep eating at you soul until you turn just into a shell. For a long time I used my past as an excuse when I failed. I use shitty thing that happened to me to allow myself not to give my best effort or to throw myself will all of my qualities, positive and negative, into endeavors and give all I could at all times.
A lot of people have paradigm shifts and say that they feel like a new person or they have a new outlook, I feel exactly the opposite right now. I have my old outlook and philosophy NOTHING CAN STOP ME. The simple fact is I feel like a teenager with the world at his finger tips, though someone who has an additional 15 years of experience. I feel like I am finally stripped back to my core and that I don't need anything but hard work and determination to do anything I want.
Everyone I know who is successful has always been goal driven. That is what this trip has taught me most of all, if you have a dream and someone who will back you up nothing is impossible. I've decided to really put myself back out there and make my lofty dreams come true. The truth is that I had left, I allowed my personality to be substituted by fear, weakness, and anxiety. Now I feel like I just made it back and reawakened that take no prisoners attitude I had at 16.
The fear that limited me most was the fear of success. I would wonder if I made the starting squad or an A on a test would I always have to top myself. Now I realize that our failures sometimes are the best thing for us. If I was to win every BJJ match I fought, there would be no fun left, if Reggie Bush scored a touchdown every hand off would we watch the game? I want to fight and win I want to give my all again and hey if I get beat, the next day back to the gym with a smile and something to work on.
I think this sums it up best, my new outlook, and my new life
No one ever became a black belt by not tapping.
